The Magic of Forgiveness

All of us, at some point in our lives, have felt wronged. Wounded, hurt by the actions of another. In some cases, the hurt may have been small, like a paper cut, stinging, but only for a while. Other times, the cut may have been so deep and life-changing as to be “unforgivable.” We may even feel justified in our indignation. We think forgiveness as something to bestow on those who demonstrate remorse and ask for forgiveness. If not, we justify revenge.

1. To obtain justice and fairness, to see evil struck down and virtue rewarded

2. To punish the wrong doer

3. To have have them suffer at least as much as we have

4. To get even, to balance out the injustice

Unfortunately, the act of revenge itself makes it difficult to actually achieve satisfaction. That’s because revenge cuts both ways. All violence wounds both the perpetrator and the victim. So if revenge doesn’t give us satisfaction, what option do we have?

We have Forgiveness.

1. Forgiveness  requires empathy

2. Forgiveness is essential to recovery

3. Forgiveness is a journey to freedom and internal peace

4. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself

5. Forgiveness is an act of imagination – it dares you to imagine a better future

Forgiveness is NOT

1. Amnesia

2. Glossing over wrongs

3. Something you do for someone else

4. Contingent on apologies or the other person’s changed behavior

Here are four steps to work toward forgiveness. (Adapted from Robert Enright, PhD.)

1. Uncover your anger. Acknowledge that you have been hurt. If we deny our pain it festers and undermines our peace.

2. Decide to forgive. Choose to break the cycle of injury, vengeance and payback by giving up your desire to claim payment.

3. Work on forgiveness. Acknowledge your pain, let it be, show compassion to yourself and others.

4. Discover release from emotional prison. Know you are not alone, know the freedom of forgiveness, and discover the purpose of your life.

Forgiveness allows us to break the chains that bind us to the past, the pain, the hurt; to free ourselves from the prison which limits our freedom. We have a choice. We can choose to hold on to the emotional burden or we can choose to set it down.

“If we really want to love, we must learn to forgive.” Mother Theresa